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Submitted on
February 22, 2009


1 (who?)
  • Mood: Devious
  • Listening to: "Believe" -Staind
  • Reading: 'Envy' -Anna Godbersen

Here's even MORE gratuitous amounts of suck:

So I was poking around here and came upon SSjUmi's webcam on her frontpage. [Which makes my nose bleed by the way].

I was also talking to Kyotama at the time and she told me she couldn't stop listening to two songs and wanted me to fix the problem.

And because telling her change songs was taking the easy way out I concocted this little drabblet of suck with MUCHO inspiration from fuckingsexyhottwenties Chester and reasonabllysexyfinetwenties Mike in SSjUmi's webcam.


Also: Thanks to JadeofAllTrades for being interested in the drabblet of suck. :XD:

I :heart: you. :3




I wrinkled my nose.


"You smell dude."

Chester licked his lips and blinked at me from behind his glasses and glowered at me, "I'm sucking Jack Daniels' dick. What the fuck am I supposed to smell like?"

I let out a gutteral sigh and turned back to the computer. My own eyes are sore and tired and I need my glasses to give me the extra strength to see. I can hear his lips suckle the bottle like a nursing animal and I turn to glare at him.

"Do you HAVE to be so fucking loud?"

Chester gives me a dirty look and stands up. His gangly limbs are long and heavy looking. "Do you HAVE to be such a bitch? Goddamn I thought I left my wife at home. I didn't think YOU were wearing her panties AND her fucking kotex too."

I sneered at him as he passed by on the way to the kitchen leaving a cloud of bourbon and dying cologne in his wake. The T-shirt he was wearing was two sizes too big for his skinny frame.

"Don't get so offended Chester just because your wife's red lace cheeky undies look better on my ass than hers."

Without turning around he raised a flamed arm in the air and with one long bony finger flipped me the bird.

"How's the wife anyway Chaz?"

Rob was zoned in front of the tv playing Mortal Kombat on my super nintendo which just might be as old as life itself. The only other time he gets that absorbed is at the titty bar when a supple ass is wiggling in his face.

Somewhere from the bowels of the kitchen Chester grumbles like a feral beast.

Rob pauses the game and looks at the sound of the gutteral mewl, "She's WHAT?"

Chester reiterates in another unintelligible grumble.

I look up from my screen to the kitchen to see Chester trying to relight his cigarette on the burner of the stove.

I lift my lips in a cruel smirk and turn to Rob again, "Don't you speak 'Benning' by now? He said his wife is getting too fat to fuck and the baby grabs on his cock and yanks him in whenever he remotely tries."

Striking a nerve, Chester grabs his lover Jack by the neck and slams him on the counter. Brown poison erupts from Jack's mouth.

"Fuck you Shinoda!" he growls at me; the beast is unleashed, "You don't know fucking shit."

I swallow a threatening laugh and turn back to my screen, "I love you too Chaz. And thanks for keeping my counter in one piece."

Rob resumes playing; his attention to the bouncing boobs on screen, "Dude, you need to get laid."

Chester's narrow stride comes back into the living room and he sucks long and hard on his cigarette.

"No dude. YOU're the one that needs to get laid," tendrils of smoke snake from his nostrils, "You're playing as a girl just to watch her tits bounce."


He's such a fucking liar.

"I'm playing as Jade because she can do serious damage with her pole."

More like: she could do serious damage to HIS pole. But Bourdon prides himself in making it seem like he less of a pervert than he really is.

Bless his heart.

"Then why don't you play as Kitana?" Chester hovers over Rob to peer at the jiggling breasts. His tongue traces the thin flesh of his bottom lip.

I always took Chester to be an ass man.

"Because she's named for a Japanese sword," Rob offers. This is his trademark answer. Chester and i have made this observation hundreds of times before, and have argued in defense of Kitana, Milena, and even Sonya in the past. But it's like arguing with a wall.

It's Jade and her pole that turns Rob on.

But because what the fuck kind of reasoning THAT is I've yet to learn. Which is why I continue prodding:


"And he's afraid she'll lop off his dick before he can get it in her," Chester answers for him, mashing his cigarette into the stray bottle cap from Jack. His eyes are like two piss holes in the snow, and they're beginning to get bloodshot.

Whether this is because he's tired or full of booze, I'm not too sure.

But I think it's a safe assumption to say both.

"The metal fans tweak him out."

Chester flops back next to Rob on the couch and Rob's face turns eight shades of red.


"Yeah okay," Chester leans forward and grabs the second control, "Restart this game. My babe Kitana is going to kick your Jade's ASS."

Rob sinks lower into the couch he's practically on the floor.

I snort a laugh and go back to the computer.

Chester knows his way around a woman and can get her to move in anyway that suits his needs.

Rob on the other hand..just likes to see bouncing boobs.

This is why Chester's Kitana always wins.

And also why Rob's a sore loser.



And if this was even worse SUCK than I promised you, you have Kyo to blame for getting me going in the first place.

And DLB for being the inquisitive person she is and egging me on for more.


Night all.



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Sum41luvr224 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009
[More like: she could do serious damage to HIS pole. But Bourdon prides himself in making it seem like he less of a pervert than he really is.

Bless his heart.]

Seriously just made me



Not only because I love the Bless his heart part,

But because I could NEVER imagine Rob being like that. NEVER.


faily-o-mcfailson Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009  Professional General Artist

I'm glad it made you laugh. I'm convinced this is the worst I've ever done.

Now the Chester POV I did for DLB's one shot story..THAT was a masterpiece. :XD:
Sum41luvr224 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2009
I don't think I've ever seen it!

But oh my god this is not horrible.

I fucking LOVELOVELOVELOVE how you describe everything. Like the Jack Daniels and shit. Totally fucking inspiring, totally fucking amazing. I just love it all.

faily-o-mcfailson Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2009  Professional General Artist
DLB's is on lpf, but I'm not a registered author on there. I just grabbed at her story and rewrote it in Chester's POV.

My Chester is so pissed. :XD:

:lmao:! That's so funny because I banged it out right there. So it's not as descriptive as I usually am. XDDD

Haaaaaaa. :glomp:
Sum41luvr224 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2009
Lol wooowww.

If that's not as descriptive as you usually are, then DAMN.

I wanna see what you can REALLY do! :D

faily-o-mcfailson Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2009  Professional General Artist
Wait wait wait....

I'll find something....

Hold on.... XD

This is chapter....nine of 'nu.metal' my version of DLB's fic 'The Little Things Give You Away.'

I liked how she used the song as the title of the oneshot, so the whole piece I named for their genre, and each chapter is a song title.

So saying chapter nine is titled "bleed it out."

And here's some pieces of it:


By the time I finished the beer, my blood pressure dropped from molten to simmer, and I could feel the cemented feeling of numbness eat its way over my muscles again.

My gaze drifted from some shit reality show back to the borrowed shirt.

It wasn't see-through anymore, but there was a lovely pink stain that made me look like I got shot.

I groaned and forced my aching body up. I plodded over to the kitchen to dump the beer bottle and along the way I found Mike, sitting at the bar stool. His glazed brown eyes not seeing the tv, the couch, or myself.

I shrugged, knowing what THAT was like.


Letting the tv mumble fake laughter into my ear, I looked down at my hand that was glued to the beer bottle.

No. Seriously. The hot salty blood from my open wound stuck to the cold condensation of the beer bottle and now my ripped flesh and the black glass are fused together.


I inhaled a deep breath and pulled slowly. Perverted as I am morbidly interested, I dropped my gaze and looked down. The black glass tugged at my raw flesh, pulling it like a loose hunk of meat. The ripped dead skin stuck fast to the bottle and blood surged its way to the surface. I got the glass as far as I could take it before I ripped it from my hand completely. My hand shook with defeated tremors, but the blood was trapped under the surface of a fine layer of skin.

I sniffled absently, and looked around for anything to open the clot and get the trapped blood out.

When it hit me.

The bottle cap was lying in the sink where I tossed it earlier, my blood rusting on its jagged edges. It called to me like a hot babe slinking slowly down a bedroom wall, teasing her own tit..which really..this isn't the time to be thinking about shit like that. Because even though it made me feel better to want to fuck a hot babe in spite of my fucking backstabbing wife, and put me out of my anger and misery..I really didn't need to have the rise I was getting.

A rise.

Over a beer cap.

So I can slice open my hand.

And let the blood bleed itself out.

Perverted as I am fucking morbid, I snatched the bottle cap from the sink and grazed it's corrugated edge over a loose piece of attached flesh. I closed my eyes and imagined its sharp edge digging into my skin to release my trapped blood was that same big titted babe rubbing her soft curves down my body and touching me with her hands; wanting hard to please me and ease me of all this fucking--

I gasped.

Hot vermillion blood spurted from my hand. I dropped the cap with a hard clink and pressed my thumb into my hand; giving it all the pressure it wanted to come out, and all the pressure it needed to stop itself up properly.

A thick strong hand clamped down on my arm. Encircling my blue flames in their entirety.

"Jesus, Chester! Are you alright?!" Mike's eyes were wide as sauce pans.

I inhaled a deep breath of cool air, snapping myself out of my angered musings.

"I'm fine dude, chillax," I could see the reflection of my small eyes in his enlarged ones. Like two pissholes in the fucking snow. "I was only getting the blood clot out of my hand."
Sum41luvr224 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2009

That is so gross.

Because that is described so fucking beautifully.

It wouldn't have been gross if it wasn't.

But because of your descriptions, I like...felt that. I like saw and felt that.

Holy shit.

You seriously need to get a job as a writer, I'm not even fucking kidding you, dude.


I'm like just speechless.

I don't know if it from amazement, jealousy, or both. :XD:

Fucking love, man. Love.
faily-o-mcfailson Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2009  Professional General Artist
:lmao: :lmao:!!!


(1 Reply)
PaltZu Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009
faily-o-mcfailson Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009  Professional General Artist

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